Lost and Found
by moniff
Summary: Coda to Requiem, episode 5x07. Gibbs and Maddie are going to be fine, the case is wrapped up and the killer stopped. But what about Tony? Is everything all right? Or is he having troubles accepting what transpired? Gibbs Tony Father/Son.
1. Lost: Tony

**A/N Coda to the episode "Requiem". **

**Hope you enjoy it!**

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, the characters, the locations or anything else related to the show. I'm just borrowing them to play around a little, but no money is being made from this.

**Lost and Found**

Tony slowly climbed out of McGee's car, mumbling a distract thank you. He could feel his younger colleague's worried gaze, but simply ignored it. He knew McGee was worried about him, just as Abby, Ducky and all the others had been, but he was frankly too tired and sore to care.

He waved a hand to McGee, signaling him to go, and silently sighed in relief as the younger man did so.

Tony appreciated the concern, sure, but all he wanted, right now, was just a long, nice sleep in his bed. He just hoped that it was gonna be completely free from nightmares, but he knew it was unlikely.

Gibbs had almost died back at the docks, and Maddie, too. They had almost disappeared forever in the cold, merciless waters of the river. And now Tony knew that those memories - the cold bite of the freezing water when he had jumped in, the panic as he had realized that they were stuck in the car underwater, the fear that he was not going to make it and save both of them – he was not going to forget them soon.

Those memories were going to haunt his sleep for a long time.

He stifled unsuccessfully a bout of dry coughs and tiredly trudged towards the building.

_Gibbs almost died_.

Tony's memories of the past few hours were a bit fuzzy, more like a sequence of scary, fragmented images, but the fear, the terror he had felt – that was clear and sharp as glass.

But, other than that, he couldn't remember much of the period of time that had elapsed between the moment he had seen the car disappearing into the murky waters of the river and the trip to the hospital.

Just the fear. And the cold. He had felt cold and lost and numb, but especially cold, both outside and inside. It hadn't been this bad when he had dived in the river – sure, the water was freezing, but the adrenaline, the fear, the commitment to save both the lives in peril had numbed and closed out every other feeling.

But, once out of the water, when he had finally realized that both Maddie and Gibbs were going to live, a deadly, terrible cold had settled inside him.

And, just as he was shivering, sprawled on the dock, waiting for the backup and the medical help, already back then, he had understood that it wasn't just the chilly breeze or his wet clothes or the shock causing those racking shivers that relentlessly shook his body.

_Gibbs' expression._

Gibbs' expression when Tony was trying to free him from thesubmerged car. It had scared him. His boss, his mentor, his friend. He had looked so dead, yet so…peaceful.

Tony glanced up in despair to the stairs leading to his flat, a terrible tiredness weighing down his limbs.

Back at the hospital, the doctor who had visited him had tried to convince him to stay for the night, just as a precaution, giving the experience he had endured and especially his lungs history, but Tony had strongly refused, and finally managed to convince both the doctor and Ducky that he was going to rest better at home.  
Sure, Ducky hadn't looked very pleased by the development, but the old ME had grudgingly given up, under the promise that Tony was going to call him in case of any necessity.

Well, maybe he wasn't at his top, Tony admitted to himself, carefully sitting down on the last step, but better being at home that in a hospital. His head and chest hurt, his leg and arms ached from the exertion, his throat burned and he was feeling somehow dizzy. But, at least, he was alone. He could think. He glanced again at the stairs then closed his eyes, resting his head on the wall.  
_Just a few minutes. Then I'll go up. _

But, also with his eyes closed, all he could see was Gibbs' face during those damn minutes in the river.

So calm, so peaceful.

Tony hadn't doubted for a moment what he had to do, his inner Gibbs-voice telling him to save Maddie before anything else. To save the young woman that was one of few, strong links to his past. To Kelly.

And, even during the few days before, Tony had understood more than well Gibbs' protectiveness towards the young woman. A young woman that reminded his boss about his own, long lost daughter.  
Tony had understood the excruciating pain that the Boss must've felt, seeing Maddie alive and well and young and promising, while his own child was long dead.  
And Tony could also understand the somewhat reckless behavior of his Boss, or the fact that Gibbs hadn't trusted him enough to share his thoughts, his feelings with him.

Tony was not Gibbs' son. They were friends, sure, but he knew that there were parts of his past that Gibbs didn't want to share with him. Tony knew this very well. He understood and respected this. Yet…yet he couldn't help but feel a stab of regret, of pain at the thought.

And, back at the hospital, when Tony had found out that Gibbs had already been discharged and gone home without him…well, that had been another punch in the gut.

For the umpteenth time Gibbs' expression floated in his mind, and he clenched his eyes tighter, but he couldn't drive away the haunting image and the terrifying thought that had hit him hours ago.

Maybe Gibbs was angry with him now.

Maybe, back in the river, Gibbs' would have wanted Tony to let him go.

**To be continued...**

**I hope you enjoyed.**

**If you want, leave a review. Constructive criticism is well accepted! Just, be kind, please: I'm not an English native speaker, and this work is still not beta'ed.**

**Next chapter will be up soon. **


	2. Lost: Gibbs

**A/N First of all, thank you, my readers, for all the reviews, alerts and follows. I'm humbled and overwhelmed by the response to my little story.  
First chapter was Tony-centric; now it's Gibbs' turn. In the next chapter(s), a talk between our heroes will be more than due, with lots of H/C!  
**

**I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**As always, constructive criticism is welcome ;)**

**Disclaimer: **_Just like the previous chapter...I still don't own anything!_

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Gibbs sat unmoving in the car, head cradled in his hands. After both him and Maddie had been discharged from the hospital he had insisted driving her home, feeling somehow strangely reluctant to let her go yet.

But then, as he stood in the middle of her living room, he had suddenly felt totally, utterly out of place. That wasn't the place he ought to be at the moment. Maddie wasn't the person who needed him the most. As much as she remembered him of Kelly, she was not Kelly. He was not her father.

The realization had hit him like a punch. Sure, it was his duty to make sure that Maddie was going to be fine, and he sure cared about her – as a father, as a friend, as a decent human being.

But this was it.

There was nothing else he could do, neither for her nor for himself; nothing was going to bring Kelly back. Maddie was a deep link to his past, some kind of proof, now that many years from Kelly's death had passed and everyone else had moved on, that his daughter had existed, she had had friends, she had loved, she had lived.

Yet, there was nothing he could do. And he probably had no right, either, to suddenly come back in Maddie's life, unnecessarily delving into the painful memories they both shared.

_She won't come back, but you could always reach her._

The thought, sudden and unwanted, flashed into his mind. He had just some vague recollections of what had happened during the few minutes he had been trapped in the rapidly sinking car. He rembered bits and pieces of what had transpired, above all the fear that they were going to die in a horrible way, that Maddie was going to die because he hadn't been able to protect her - just as he hadn't been able to protect Kelly.

But, even now, in the safety of his own car, the image that kept flashing before his eyes was Kelly's sweet face.

He had seen her. She had talked to him. She had said she loved him.

He was no fool, he knew all that things they say about comas, tunnels, lights, lack of oxygen induced experiences and all, but he couldn't care less about them.

Hallucination or not, Gibbs had seen her, and, for a moment, he had felt like dying was the right thing to do, so that he could be with her again, where he belonged.

He rubbed his eyes, tired. He was not that kind of man. He was not suicidal. He was not the kind of man who saw death as liberation - not anymore, at least.

Yet, this was the unmistakable implication of what he had seen, what he had felt, during those dreadful instants inside the damn car.

The desire to join again his daughter, to have another chance to be her father - it had been intense and unmistakable.

He shook his head, feeling confused. Lost. Had he really wanted, wished to die?

He shoved the disquieting question aside, at least for the moment -he was too tired and confused to follow that particular train of thoughts- and grabbed his phone, which lay abandoned in the glove compartment, just where he had put it so many hours ago. He flipped it opened, and frowned noticing the long list of missed calls.

Ducky's, mostly.

A cold uneasiness settled in his gut. Why had the old doctor tried to reach him? Everything was all right, wasn't it? The case closed, the kidnappers killed – from what he had been told back at the hospital, Tony had shot them all, before diving in the cold water.

_Tony_.

The Marine frowned and he felt his gut clench. Tony was fine, wasn't he? One of the few things Gibbs could clearly remember was Tony's figure, crouched next to him on the docks, wordlessly looking at him.

Drenched, panting, exhausted, but very much alive and apparently well.

He hit the call button, worry and guilt gnawing at him.

"Duck, where's Tony?" he asked as soon as the older man picked up.

"Oh, Jethro, I was going to call you again soon. He's at home, I believe; after he was discharged from the hospital Timothy drove him home. That's exactly why I was calling you-"

"What about him?"

"As I told you, he's been discharged. I wanted him to be checked out just as a precaution," Ducky explained. "With his lungs history, better safe than sorry-"

"How is he?" Gibbs impatiently asked, cutting Ducky off.

"Well enough, I'd say," the doctor answered, apparently unfazed by his friend's vehemence, "or I wouldn't have let him go home. Yet, I wanted to check on him, and I thought that maybe you were-"

Again, Gibbs interrupted him. "I'm on my way to Tony's."

"But what about you, Jethro?" Ducky asked, concern evident in his voice. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a jerk. A stupid and a jerk," Gibbs shook his head, disgusted with himself. "I assumed he was fine."

_Never assume. Never take anything for granted._

"Now, Jethro, those past few days have been very hard on you" Ducky gently observed, "and no one blames you for anything – especially not young Anthony. It is completely understandable that you might -"

"Yeah, sure, Duck," Gibbs cut him off. "I'll call you later, OK?"

He dropped the phone on the passenger seat, cursing again at his own stupidity.

Tony needed him now, and Gibbs knew he should have been at his friend side all along.

_That was where he belonged now._

**_To be continued..._**

**_Hope you like it! If you want, leave me a review and let me know what you think!_**


	3. Found

**A/N First of all I wanted to thank you all for all the reviews, PMs, favs and follows. I never thought my little story could reach so many people, and I'm glad you liked it.  
I enjoyed a lot writing this one - my first "serious" story, albeit pretty short - and I hope that you'll enjoy, too, reading it.**

**I hope this chapter won't be a disappointment.**

**Disclaimer: **_guess what? I still don't own anything..._  
**  
**

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Gibbs screeched the car to a halt in front of Tony's apartment building, cursing under his breath. He had tried contacting the younger man on his mobile phone a few minutes ago, but the call had gone straight to voice mail, and he realized the phone had probably been damaged when Tony had jumped into the water.

He had then tried phoning him home, but that call, too, had been unanswered.

He strode towards the building, lost in his own worried thoughts, but stopped short as he spotted a very familiar figure sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

_Tony_.

Eyes closed, head resting on the wall, his expression exhausted and somehow haunted, Tony suddenly opened an eye, as if sensing Gibbs' presence.

"Kicked out of your own apartment, DiNozzo?" Gibbs smiled, waving a hand towards the younger man.

A brief, tired smiled crossed Tony's features. "Nah. Just enjoying the view, Boss," he replied. "I'm gonna go up now." He narrowed his eyes, studying Gibbs' face. "How are you feeling, Boss?"

"That should be my line, DiNozzo, don't you think?"

"You were the one trapped in a car in the bottom of a river," Tony quipped.

Gibbs snorted. "Yeah, but you're the one with nicely scarred lungs," he pointed out, observing the younger man. He looked pale, tight lines of exhaustion and worry deeply etched on his face, and hands slightly trembling.

"You got me," Tony surrendered with a chuckle, but something flickered in eyes. It flashed there for a second, then it was gone, but it hadn't gone unnoticed by Gibbs, though he still wasn't sure what the problem was.

"And Maddie? Is she OK?" Tony settled to ask after a brief pause, his tone somehow hesitant, and Gibbs finally understood. Cautiousness. Almost fear. That was the feeling lingering in the younger man's eyes.

_Since when he needs to be cautious with me? Since when he fears me?_

"She's fine, Tony, just like me" he answered. "Thanks to you. You saved our lives."

"Yeah, well-" Tony cleared his throat and looked away, discomfort clear on his features. He was not used to be praised or thanked, Gibbs knew this, but he could tell that, this time, there was something more causing Tony's awkwardness.

The Marine carefully sat down near his friend. He knew that, had Ducky been there, he would have strongly advised that both of them got their more than needed rest. Yet, there was something else, other than a mere physical tiredness, bothering Tony, something way deeper than that and Gibbs couldn't let it go.  
He needed to know what was wrong, and he needed to address it now and made it right, before it was too late, before Tony could slip his mask on again and close everybody else out. Before Tony could try and close _Gibbs_ out.

"You know that, right? You saved her, and you saved me," Gibbs repeated, locking gaze with Tony.

This time, Tony didn't look away, his eyes boring into Gibbs', searching, seeking for reassurance and approval, and Gibbs stared back. And then Tony finally relaxed, smiling softly.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. The Marine knew Tony all too well; it was better not to push him for answers.  
Finally it was Tony to break the silence. He spoke quietly, hesitantly. "For a moment, back in the river, I thought…I thought I was not gonna make it, that I was too late and you were already… ya know…" Tony looked down, absently staring at his own hands.

"Yeah, I know. For a moment I thought I was dying, too," Gibbs admitted quietly. He glanced at his companion with a small smile. "But a part of me knew that you were coming back for me."

"And was it OK?" Tony quietly asked, closing his eyes to avoid his friend's inquisitive gaze. "I mean. When you thought that you were…well…dying. Were you scared? Or you thought that your time had come and-" Tony trailed off, as if suddenly realizing what he had asked, and grimaced. "OK, sorry Boss, stupid question, Iet's pretend I didn't speak at all and-"

"I almost thought it was," Gibbs interrupted Tony's embarrassed babbling. "I almost _felt_ it was OK. Almost. But then I knew it wasn't."

Tony looked up at Gibbs, surprise clear in his eyes. He clearly wasn't expecting an answer, and sure as hell not _this_ particular answer.  
"You - you didn't have to answer me on this one," he mumbled.

"Nope. But I wanted to."

"Oh." Tony was silent for a moment, lost in thought.

"You did good Tony, today. You did real good," the Marine went on, serious, throwing a meaningful look at his friend. "And I realize that I have been a jerk in the last few days-"

"You don't-" Tony tried to interrupt him, but Gibbs cut him off with a headslap.

"Let me finish DiNozzo. I was saying, I've been a jerk in the last few days, and I have no excuses. I'm sorry."

Tony finally met his Boss' serious gaze and held it, then nodded slowly, accepting the apology.  
Then he smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "Hey, Boss, what happened to Rule 6?" he joked.

"My rules, my exceptions," Gibbs declared with a smirk, then slowly got up. "Come on, get up. I think you have _enjoyed the view _enough for tonight."

He reached forward, helping the younger man as he carefully got up, and, keeping a hand on Tony's arm, he started guiding him away from the stairs and towards the parking lot.

"Boss, my house is up there, ya know," Tony weakly protested waving a hand in the general direction of the stairs.

"Yep. But you're staying with me tonight." Gibbs stated, steading the younger man as he swayed a little and grabbing his car keys from the pocket.

"I don't need a babysitter Boss, I'm perfectly fine."

"Do I look like a babysitter, DiNozzo?" Gibbs glared, making Tony gulp.

"Of course not, Boss."

The Marine helped his friend into the passenger seat, adding, "and anyway, your car is still at the docks. This way I don't even have to come here and drive you to work tomorrow morning."

"Well, actually Ziva was gonna pick me up tomorrow."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "You want to try Ziva's driving early in the morning? You got a death wish, DiNozzo?"

"Well, it's not like your driving's much better," Tony mumbled raising an eyebrow, as Gibbs got in the car and started the engine, and the older man turned towards Tony, glaring at him. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing Boss, I was just, huh, clearing my throat," the younger man hurriedly said, with a sheepish smile.

Gibbs nodded, satisfied. "I thought so."

OOOOOOO

Gibbs stepped inside the guest room, and almost smiled at the sight. Tony was sitting on the bed, half asleep, his back leaning on the headboard. With his hair still damp and disheveled from the shower and withone of the Marine's old t-shirts on he looked much younger than his real age.

He handed the younger man a pill and a glass of water. "Take this," he instructed.

"What is?" Tony asked with a curious glance, taking both.

"Meds," was Gibbs' succinct answer.

"Yeah, well, that much I'd gathered. But what exactly?"

"Just take it. Doctor's orders," the Marine ordered.

"Hey Gibbs, you're no doctor, ya know?" Tony joked, but he gulped the pill down with the water, and Gibbs smiled at the implicit show of trust.

"Let's say I got my MD on the field, having you as my SFA," he stated, gently taking the glass back from Tony's hands.

He smiled again as the younger man lied down on the bed and slipped comfortably under the blankets. He still looked exhausted, and a bit pale, but the fine lines of worry had vanished, his demeanor much more relaxed now.

Gibbs started heading back towards the door, then he suddenly stopped and turned again towards Tony.

"You know, DiNozzo, back at your house, when I told you that I know that I'm not ready to go?"

Tony nodded, narrowing his eyes, but didn't speak.

"That's because I still got something important here," Gibbs stated, his eyes boring into Tony's. "Something very important. And I'm not about to lose it."

OOOOOOO

Doctor Mallard answered the phone at the first ring. It was late in the evening, but he had been waiting for that call.

"Jehtro, how is young Anthony?"

"_Sleeping in my guestroom, Duck," _came the immediate reply_. "Anyway, he's fine, more or less. Dead tired, though."_

"I'm sure he is," Ducky concurred. "And what about you, Jethro?"

There was a pause at the other side of the line. Then, Gibbs finally answered, "_now I'm fine, too_. _Definitely fine."_

Ducky nodded to himself, satisfied. "Call me if you or young Anthony need something."

"_I will. Night, Duck."_

"Good night, Jehtro."

The doctor put the receiver down, smiling softly. Both his friends were going to be fine, now.

They had both suffered and lost so much in their lives – love, family, affections – but they had found each other, and that had been their salvation.

**If you feel like to, please, leave me a review. Constructive criticism is always helpful, and I'd love to hear your opinions!  
Thanks for reading.**


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